pain

he's not going to come back. I hate thinking that this is true but it is. he's been dying to get out this whole time. he's not going to come back to me and I've got to get it through my head.

I survived the first two days of our break up but this is day 3 and I'm losing it. I really don't think ill survive for another week. it hurts more that he's ready to go out and party. he's finally free, there's no rules. that's what he wanted all along, no rules. he just wants to try what's out there. he doesn't want me. I always knew he was too good for me. I'm ugly, timid and awkward. he's like a god compared to me. I'm nothing, it was foolish of me to think he ever gave a shit about me.

he hasn't even called to see if I'm okay. hasn't even texted to see if I haven't finished myself off yet. all he's said is that its not me its him. just those words make me realize how much he didn't give a shit.

I don't know if ill ever be okay. I don't really care if I am. people like me never end up happy. I only wanted him. that's all I fucking want. I long for him so much that I can't breathe. I can't sleep or eat. there's the hole in my chest and in my lungs.

I fucking want to die.