Bye

it's day 5. i'm 80% sure he's not coming back.

the drinking, the women, the freedom, the fun. why would he come back to me? i'm old news, captain. but it's okay because the truth is i'm only just waking. i hate to do this because i wanted the entire rest of my life with him by my side. it's the only way since now i know for sure he doesn't want me.

but this is just the beginning. i hate starting over but it must be done. as much as it kills me, i've got to move on. i fucking made it to day 5. this must mean something. i don't want to cut myself anymore, i don't want to cry. i ran out of tears, now i just feel empty. but its good. i'm going to fill myself up with good feelings and fun and friends. i deserve it.

then one day... i'll meet him. i'll meet the perfect guy for me. he'll heal all the old wounds and tell me everything's going to be alright. then this shitty situation would have just been one chapter in the book of my life. one very amazing yet painful chapter.

i'm never going to forget you michael. you taught me so much and i've never loved anyone as much as i loved you. thank you so much for taking care of me when i didn't deserve it, thank you for holding me while i cried and always paying for dinner. thank you for telling me interesting facts and playing with my little brothers. i'm sorry i pestered you so much, was always there bothering you and pushing you away. i just couldn't resist you really. i'm glad i had you in my life, i wish it could've been for longer. good bye.