Downhill

EDIT: I'm done wreaking emotional havoc on myself, bye!



There's a spider in my room so I'm sleeping with Icie tonight in hopes that she'll find it and kill it.

Again, I'm not sure whether I should feel stupid or not. Was I used or am I the one taking advantage? Maybe it's both. In the end, I'm the bitch I guess. This sorta thing only happens when you follow your basic human instincts like selfishness, desire, lust, irrationality. Those spur of the moment decisions that click in your head moments after you're given the light of day are what make those messy situations. Romanticism only goes so far 'cause in the end if it's too good to be true, it probably is? Lovey-doveyness, it only goes downhill from there. But all those words feel so fucking beautiful when they are spilling out of your adorable mouth. So like, after all is not said nor done, who's the jerk? Who breaks who's heart? Do two wrongs make a right? Can we call it even? Hey, answer me. No? You don't care? Fine, that's what I love about you in the first place.


I'm still trying to convince myself I did/didn't do something wrong.

this isn't about anyone that it should be

Dandy

Your apathy tells me what I needed to know. Sigh!!! There's (a lot of) things I want to say to you but I don't want to vomit them out cause that would be, yanno...

Putting that aside, everything is fine. I'm fine. Dandy, even. I'm mostly sick of it all and I can't stop laying in bed wondering what my next move should be. Community college just gets me more down and next spring I'm supposed to be out in a real university. But instead of me going "YEA COLLEGE! LETS DO THIS!", I just want to curl up on a nice comfy blanket, watching a stupid movie, and drinking something with a high alcohol content.

So I'm hopefully going to meet Robert Pattinson who plays the amazing Edward Cullen in the Twilight movie. I just have to journey to Philly (1 hour and a halfish), fight off some 500 crazed fangirls, and then pay $30 -_- but omg, so worth it. I just finished reading the whole series and I pretty much loved it all. Its just all too fucking perfect.